her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
