New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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