Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
