Farmville is her only friend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
