The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
where am i from again
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
