ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
