she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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