hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
