Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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