I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
