Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Shame - the story of my life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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