i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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