well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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