people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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