Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
