I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
