If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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