I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
