At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize