I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Soap is not a condiment
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
