I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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