Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
