I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
