You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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