So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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