Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
