How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
