Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
