its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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