is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
