go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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