I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
