I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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