Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
