He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
