she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
