please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
