I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
