fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Text me some of your sweat
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