grandma shit on top of the toilet
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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