I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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