I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
