I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im holly from the hills drunk
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
