life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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