did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
