Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
