well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
