I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
ok first of all what the fuck
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