I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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