Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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