never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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