She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
