I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
