Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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