A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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