I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
