and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
