Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
