every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
