im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
