pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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