you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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