you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
