He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize