So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
