I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
