my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
