Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
