Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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