Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
