I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize