Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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