New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
