it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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