saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize