after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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