Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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