porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
