I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize