If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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