I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
