so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
