On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
