I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
