I'm gonna have a badass scar
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
