tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
