your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
