I didn't shave. On purpose
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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