you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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