Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
