some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
