I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
