Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
