please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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