my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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